The Start
The hardest part about starting this blogging process is figuring out what to write about first. Actually it’s the second hardest. The first is getting the site up and running. That was, and still is a pain. There are a lot of buttons and configurations when you start up a site. To be honest, I am not the best at it. Which is probably why it took me about ten years to finally start this journey.
Anyway, I am getting off-topic. As you get to know me, you will see that happen from time to time. Bear with me, I have a lot on my mind and a lot to say.
While I sipped my coffee in my office, I decided to start this blog with a little bit of chisme (AKA Gossip). Do not worry, it’s not mean-spirited in any way; that’s not what we are about over here, and it actually ends with an “aha” moment.
Here we go! A few years ago, I was in what I would call a negative head space. In order to change that, I took this fantastic course with an amazing woman. The course centered on how to change your mindset so that you can manifest the life you have always dreamed of. While taking this course, I was forced to take a hard look at how I was handling the people and situations that were unfolding in my life.
Let’s veer off just a little so you can understand what I mean. I come from what people call a “broken home.” However, while my parent’s separation was hard on everyone, as all separations are, I never felt it was broken. My mom and dad were best friends, and when my mom remarried, my dad and stepdad became great friends. My dad was invited to every birthday, Christmas, and Thanksgiving. For me, this was the norm. I honestly thought all breakups were and should be, like this. High-conflict co-parenting situations were foreign to me. Through the years, I’ve realized that, sadly, this is the actual norm for most people.
I met my ex when I was 18 and we were together for 17 years. However, at 35, I found myself living a completely different life than what I had previously imagined. I didn’t get married thinking one day this would all be over, especially since I married young. While I was in an ahhmazing new relationship with a great man, it came with its own special, let’s call them “challenges,” that I was not prepared for or accustomed to.
Back to my initial point. The course was terrific. I learned that having expectations of anyone or any situation will just lead to disappointment. So, no expectations are the best expectations. I learned that by changing my mindset, I can literally manifest anything. That’s how I manifested my dream wedding, our dream honeymoon, my current job position, and the flexibility I have with my work schedule. (If you want to know more about how I did this, let me know. Again, I am no expert. Just someone who did the “work,” if you can call it that.) However, learning how to deal with difficult people was another story.
One of the lessons centered around trying to understand a person on a level that might give you some insight as to why they are how they are. Why do they react in a certain way, what might be lacking in their life that makes them act the way they do?
This was the most challenging part. I’ve often struggled with this, and I tried, I really did, but the Virgo in me chucked it up to it’s just because they were jerks and I didn’t care enough to try to put myself in their shoes or to try to figure out the reason for them constantly being the way they are. They were jerks and unlikeable, and that was that!
Fast Forward
Six years after that life-changing course, I think I finally got it. Don’t judge me, I know it’s been forever, but sometimes change takes time.
Recently something happened that kind of opened my eyes to what high-conflict people might be going through. After another bout of irrational behaviors that left us genuinely baffled, I finally understood. We really do not know what people are going through. We might never understand their internal struggle, and their apparent insecurities. I am not a therapist by any means, but these behaviors must stem from something more profound. And, as hard as it was, I tried to put myself in their position as I looked at their actions throughout the years. At every petty moment, every time something was blown out of proportion, at every high-conflict message received.
I realized that people like this might be going through something that is beyond our understanding, and while we might not like them, the reality is that they probably don’t like themselves either. Instead of engaging every time they seek attention or go out of their way to try to disrupt our peace, we move on and ignore, well, as much as can be ignored. Because let’s be real, sometimes we are with the shits and will still unload the Petty Party. While having a good laugh about it with our friends afterward.
I’ll explain the Petty Party more later. But let’s just say If you deal with people who are high conflict, narcissistic, and just the worst, you’ll want to tune in for that one. I have some pointers on how we deal with them that you might find satisfying and entertaining.
I’ll leave you with this little bit of wisdom I’ve gathered throughout the years… do not expect shit from people or situations. It’s okay to dislike the jerks in your life… this is a totally valid feeling. But if you ever have the time and inkling to dig a little deeper you might find it’s a waste of your precious time. Nothing they do or say to you is worse than whatever internal turmoil they might be going through, do we care, not really, because let me be honest, they are jerks, but we can at least try to understand it!
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